I Know What It Is Like (Poem)

I know what it’s like to experience symptoms, to be tired for apparently no reason, to not know why I’m not healthy and strong like most people.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like testing for this thing and that, failing to find the problem, pressing on, desperate to know the answer no matter how devastating it may be.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like to receive a diagnosis, to find out I have a chronic and apparently incurable illness, to be relieved at having an answer yet worried about what that answer could mean.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like starting treatment, feeling so much worse, watching the treatment take my strength, wondering if it will ever come back, finding the treatment make me worse instead of better.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like to search for answers, to look for more treatment options, to hunt for more problems, to try to find the missing pieces to the puzzle and fit them together.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like trying new treatments plans, bracing myself for the die-off symptoms that will surely follow if the treatment helps, wondering if it will, wondering what will be next if it doesn’t.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like to want to do something and not have the strength, to plan ahead what few things I can do before I crash, to struggle with even the basic tasks in life.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like feeling lonely, left out, unable to join in because my health says no, watching others do the things that I long to do, being left behind, struggling with the hurt.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like to go ahead and do something I know will make me crash, to throw caution to the wind and be a little normal for once, to laugh and enjoy myself thoroughly, to crash when it’s over and pay for the fun.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like pressing on day after day, facing the same routines, the same treatments, the same pills, wondering how much of my health will ever come back, continuing on regardless.

I know what it’s like.

I know it’s like to have my family sacrifice for me, to have them love me, to have them change their lives to make mine easier, to have them cheer me on, to have them assure me that we are in this together.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like having people surround me with prayer, seeing that they care about me, having them pray with me, message me, hug me, knowing that I am not alone in this fight.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like to see Bible verses come alive and speak to me, to have God patiently lead me and care for me each day, to know that He cares enough for me to walk me through my illness and use it to grow me.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like watching God working all things together for my good, growing my relationship with Him, giving me new friendships, using my life and my story to touch others, bringing beautiful moments out of my illness.

I know what it’s like.

I know what it’s like, yes, I know what it’s like to know the emotions and experiences that come with a chronic illness, to walk through the hard days, to rejoice in the blessings, to be thankful to be able to say:

I know what it’s like.

I thought I would share something a very dear friend and fellow chronic illness warrior sent to me today. It was such a blessing and help to me. I needed it today as I have been quite discouraged I keep reading it over. I hope it can give you a peek into life from our perspective. Thank you so much for your prayers, support and love. They mean so much to me. Blessings.

Written by: Bethany Griggs August 2020

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